Back to me…

As I start to write, I’m not sure how long or short this post will be, because this topic is something that I’m smack dab in the midst of recognizing, sometimes agonizing over, and just starting to own. The Universe, in its infinite wisdom, is again challenging me to discover more about me!

I have truly come to believe that what I experience in life is ever only about the process of growing my Self. Ordinary everyday events, or even those that trickle into my awareness from half way around the world, play their roles. The line “I am a part of all that I have met” from the poem Ulysses (that I shared in a January post) has taken on a much deeper meaning as scenarios continue to present themselves.

What we meet is personal, very personal, because, as I see it, our reactions are indicators of where we are on, and newly coined by me, The Acceptance of Self Continuum. Believe it or not, a perfect example occurred with yesterday’s breakfast… As I was noshing on my bagel, some of it hung out of my mouth – an incident that used to create a visceral response in me. As I’ve worked at understanding the why, I have found that it is tied to feeling out of control. I still felt a tinge of that, but I caught it quickly and even laughed as I nudged the errant piece into my mouth.

Another example is when I’m irritated about not receiving some sort of recognition. The absolute pisser (pardon my French) is that if I already felt worthy/deserving, I wouldn’t need the approval from an outside source. Don’t get me wrong, it is absolutely wonderful to be appreciated for our efforts, but I propose that the key to advancing on the continuum lies in first recognizing our own value and then thoroughly enjoying any extra adulation as icing on the cake!

My method, as you may have already deduced, is to basically become aware of anything that irks me and then go from there. The above are small fry examples on the big scale of life, I know, but I had to start somewhere! It’s morphed into a kind of game that I play based on my reactions to the goings on of my relationship with the outside world. When I become triggered by something, I now try to decipher its underlying inner message, because, every time, it leads back to me.